Taking the French Language Exam Essay
Taking the French Language ExamFour Basic Steps to Get an A on the French ExamMaster the German language. Do not read any French text books, do not learn French grammar or syntax, and do not have the slightest understanding of any French vocabulary. Consider that Germany occupied France twice in the last century with little or no resistance.
German became the de facto official language of France during these times and today remains revered as a more precise means of communication by the French people. If the teacher is a native French speaker, then this instructor will appreciate that the exam being written in German, because it reflects the basic understanding that the French language remains inferior to the German language. The teacher will appreciate that German has three gender cases instead of the miserly two for the French language. Make sure you have memorized the slang German words for the French people.
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Words such as “Frog”, “Hairy Armpit”, “Wino”, and “Snob” should be used often throughout the exam so the teacher understands your knowledge of the French culture.Appearance is everything so make sure that the entrance into the exam room will convey to everyone there that confidence and understanding occupy every fiber of the body. Wear a silver helmet with the pointed top worn by the German infantry in World War One. Wear red pants because everyone knows “Red Pants Are France”. Do not wash or brush your teeth for a full week before the exam, so that a good French mind set remains present while writing the exam. Most importantly find the biggest Iron Cross available, hang it on a string, and wear it from the neck. Do not wear any shirt or other clothing covering over your torso.
Make sure your armpit hair is very visible. All French teachers (especially those from France) will recognize that the person taking their exam has done their homework and really absorbed the essence of the French experience.Buy a bottle (or better a box) of fortified wine and drink half of it immediately before taking the exam. Any of the fortified wines such as MD 20-20, or Wild Irish Rose will do nicely. Bring the remainder of the wine into the exam room and drink from it with healthy gulps while taking the exam. Smoke unfiltered cigarettes constantly as you write your answers. If anyone asks you to stop drinking or smoking, spit on the floor, say “Kacke”, and ignore them.
If people attempt physical removal, drop drawers and urinate profusely, spinning in a circle while performing this act. Everyone there will applaud the research accomplished to complete such a classic French gesture.Proper preparation, dress, and attitude, accomplish much, yet the written portion of the exam still remains the key component for success. Capitalize each noun, use lots of the German double ess, and make sure that none of the German words used are the same words in French. German words that have a different meaning than a French word spelled the same can be used, if only to keep the teacher aware that anything opposite a French word must be the right word.
Cite from many of the German philosophers that attract a wide following from the French people. Use Hegel, Kant, and Schopenhauer and show how their thoughts influenced great French leaders such as Charlemagne and Louis the Fourteenth. The French love a good anachronism.These keys to successful completion of the French exam should be memorized and brought with you as a cheat sheet into the exam room. Other permissible aids include a German-English Dictionary, a very leaky pen (make sure your exam has multiple cross-out and lots of ink smudges), and a nose hair trimmer.
Use the nose hair trimmer to distract the other students. Good luck.