Rules Of Etiquette Essay, Research Paper
ETIQUETTE is a comprehensive term, for it embraces non merely wholly observations connected with societal intercourse, but such as belong peculiarly to the place circle.
To obtain fireside amenitiess and home-born enjoyments and felicity, something more is required than a fine-looking house, a beautiful lawn, shade-trees, and a garden filled with flowers and arranged in the most artistic order.
Family spats and discord ; a deficiency of niceness, good-breeding and etiquette, would turn the loveliest Eden into a bare waste.
It will avail us small to supply our houses with all the elegancies which the upholsterer & # 8217 ; s art can afford, and to cultivate the evidences with the uttermost accomplishment, if our Black Marias and heads are uncultivated, unsmooth, coarse and rude.
The members of one household must endlessly substitute sort offices ; must joy and mourn, hope and fright smiling and weep in unison ; and must interchange sympathetic emotions, with a due respect to each other & # 8217 ; s feelings, or the charming delectations of the domestic circle will lose much of their relish, or will be broken up and go wholly barren of involvement.
And it can non be excessively strongly impressed upon the head, that common regard is the footing of true fondness ; and, although it may look a negligible affair in the household whether this or that manner of address is adopted, in world it is a really of import thing.
Children and retainers are greatly influenced by the demeanour of maestro and kept woman of the house ; and the hubby who addresses his married woman, in their presence, in a derogatory mode, does both himself and her a distinct hurt. While the married woman, on her portion, is every bit bound to demo all due regard to her hubby.
Every human being possesses an unconditioned perceptual experience of what is right. Children and retainers are non exclusions to this general regulation ; and those of us who indulge in unkind looks towards each other, lower ourselves more than we can, possibly, understand in the sentiments of those about us.
In many instances, a feeling of disfavor is engendered, which no after fortunes can kill & # 8212 ; a feeling near kindred to contempt, besides ; for who can care for regard for persons who can non regulate themselves?
A generous-minded male child will ne’er bury the unkind and twit words which he has heard an cranky and ill-governed male parent reference to his dearly loved female parent ; nor will either misss or male childs forget similar breaches of niceness and good-breeding exhibited by their female parent towards the male parent.
Truly, we have need of forbearance! and in the household circle it is one of the brightest virtuousnesss.
& # 8220 ; Can & # 8217 ; t you both have forbearance? & # 8221 ; murmured a small soft male child one time in our hearing, while his parents were indulging in indecent spats, and at that place was a whole volume of rebuke in that one sentence.
Chesterfield, a form of good-breeding, tells his boy, that & # 8211 ;
& # 8220 ; The most familiar and intimate habitudes, connexions and friendly relationships, require a grade of good-breeding both to continue and cement them. The best of us have our bad sides ; and it is every bit imprudent as it is bounderish to exhibit them. I shall non utilize ceremonial with you, it would be misplaced between us ; but I shall surely detect that grade of good-breeding which, I am certain, is perfectly necessary to do us like one another & # 8217 ; s company long. & # 8221 ;
This is the best advice which can be given to hubbies and married womans, parents and kids, and besides to relations and friends.
The wont of bantering, which is so frequently adopted by married people before kids and retainers, is really unwanted, and often leads to serious effects.
The hubby will give a pathetic denomination to the married woman, which will raise a laugh at her disbursal ; but in the terminal, it may take down him far more than the female parent in the sentiment of the kids ; and in their bend, they will frequently experience more respect and fondness for the female parent than for the male parent.
Nothing can be more deleterious, or inconsistent with true niceness and good-breeding, than the changeless wont of fault-finding refering small junior-grade trifles, when indulged in by either hubby or married woman, in the presence of others or by themselves.
There are work forces who ne’er come to the tabular array but they will happen mistake with the dishes served upon it. If roast beef is the main dish, they will state: & # 8211 ;
& # 8220 ; Beef! beef! why didn & # 8217 ; t you have chicken or turkey? I am tired of this everlasting beef! & # 8221 ;
Or frailty versa. No affair what the married woman may hold provided, such a adult male will ever express a desire for something else.
Now, were the gentleman accused of fault-finding, he would indignantly deny it ; and he may be a sort and good and true hubby and male parent, and merely have unwittingly fallen into this wont of non being satisfied with what has been provided.
A good manner to bring around him, would be for the married woman to manus him a pencil and a card every forenoon as he leaves the house, and request him to set down what he desires for dinner ; so that the day-to-day fault-finding can be, in a step, averted. This would convert him of his pattern of picking defects in the m? nage ; and travel far towards set uping a reformation in it.
One-half of us find mistake from wont ; but some of us, we fear, do so from an congenital ugliness of temperament.
Of the latter category we have small hopes ; but the former can bring around themselves & # 8212 ; & # 8220 ; & # 8216 ; an it pleases them. & # 8221 ;
Bad wonts are really easy acquired ; hence, immature individuals must take particular strivings to avoid them.
We are ever disgusted with boies and girls who do non demo a pronounced regard to their parents, seniors, and higher-ups ; and who do non scruple to belie them, and put up their ain sentiments, with the extreme doggedness, against those of their parents.
And why should our immature work forces put aside the esteemed name of & # 8220 ; Father, & # 8221 ; and replacement for it the obnoxious words & # 8220 ; Governor & # 8221 ; or & # 8220 ; Old Man? & # 8221 ;
Some individuals may answer: & # 8211 ;
& # 8220 ; What signifies a name? & # 8221 ;
A great trade ; and Father is a holy name, given to us straight from God, the Father of all world ; and he who attains to that rank and stands as a male parent of the household, occupies a high place, and his kids should acknowledge his sacred office and give him the name assigned to it.
No one thinks of naming his female parent & # 8220 ; Governess & # 8221 ; or & # 8220 ; Mrs. Governor. & # 8221 ;
If a girl should try it, it would be esteemed extremely irreverent and pathetic ; yet it is non in world any more absurd a pattern.
Young individuals frequently fall into erroneous wonts from privation of idea ; hence, it is needed to remind our immature friends of certain small disagreements sing good-breeding, which they should carefully endeavour to avoid.
Good manners are taught in the place, by & # 8220 ; line upon line and precept upon precept. & # 8221 ; Few of us are born well-mannered ; although we do on occasion run into with those who are styled so. And, doubtless, a well-mannered male parent and female parent will non hold every bit much trouble I
n rise uping polite and well-bred kids, as those who are the contrary — non because they are born so, possibly ; but because, as we have said before, good manners are learned by imitation more readily than by principle and regulation.
Let brothers and sisters be taught to esteem each other & # 8217 ; s rights ; be as thoughtful to delight, and every bit alert to avoid anything which will vex and rag each other, as they would be to a immature invitee whom they desired to honour ; and they will so larn a due observation of place etiquette and niceness.
Rude and unsmooth male childs are frequently allowed to handle their sisters in a really disagreeable, overbearing mode, and rag them on every juncture, by interrupting up their babe houses and destructing their toies, and talking really disparagingly of & # 8220 ; the girls. & # 8221 ;
We consider such behaviour as extremely condemnable, and wholly at discrepancy with all regulations of good-breeding.
Such male childs will besides do unkind and rude hubbies ; for by being permitted to exhibit and indulge such traits of character in their young person, they will be probably to indulge in them in their manhood, and prosecute the same pleasing interests in their ain households.
A sister is the best justice of a brother & # 8217 ; s abilities in playing the R? lupus erythematosus of a good hubby.
And a brother can gauge really reasonably the place which a sister would keep in a hubby & # 8217 ; place.
We delight in the freedom of childhood ; in its merry & # 8211 ;
& # 8220 ; Quips and grouchs and wanton trickeries ; & # 8221 ;
and in the sunniness of young person, and its many delectations and pleasances ; but still more charming is the gentlemanlike demeanour of brothers toward their sisters.
Boastful individuals, and such as neglect truth in their statements, are normally to be avoided ; these wickednesss, in the lowest point of position, are unquestionably against the etiquette of good society.
No adult female can either regard or love a adult male who is in the wont of lead oning her ; nor can a adult male regard or love a adult female whose statements do non possess the virtuousness of truth.
Work force will sometimes hide from adult females the worlds of their lives on the supplication that they are excessively narrow minded weak or simple to understand them ; while adult females, in their bend, hide the inside informations of their day-to-day life on the mark that they do non wish to be interfered with ; or for fear lest their hidden pleasances be denied them.
Hence arises the theory that wives must be kept in the dark refering their hubbies & # 8217 ; chases ; and that work forces must be & # 8220 ; managed & # 8221 ; so that they shall non prohibit this, that or the other coveted pleasance.
And this is styled & # 8220 ; diplomatic negotiations in the place circle. & # 8221 ;
Of class this province of personal businesss is really unsure and slippery ; and an exhibition? will be threatened daily.
Both hubby and married woman feel that they are deceived, yet can non state precisely how, when or where ; can non put their manus on the really topographic point & # 8212 ; can non turn out what they suspect.
Work force ever know that they are & # 8220 ; managed & # 8221 ; even when they can non see the manner ; and adult females understand they are deceived ; & # 8212 ; are certain that the alibis given for uncalled-for absences are non the right 1s & # 8212 ; even though they can non detect the truth. Such things go in the air, and consciousness is evolved even if the senses reveal naught. Such places, nevertheless, are but the stepping-stones to a deeper abysm of suffering.
A love of truth, a high sense of award, daintiness of mode, and rigorous attachment to rectify rules, are the main necessities of place etiquette.
Be careful to avoid the wont of strolling into a room without go toing to any thing that passes at that place ; & # 8212 ; believing, it may be, of a piddling matter that need non busy the attending, or really likely non believing at all.
In this manner some individuals trespass upon the regulations of niceness which enjoin that each one should make his portion in society.
Make it a regulation wherever you are, to take an involvement in all that passes, detect the features of the individuals you meet, and listen to and take portion in the topics of their conversation.
Accustomed inattention is sometimes attributed to great mastermind, but we can non back that thought.
Such a distinctive feature of mode is insurgent of all niceness, and tends to close a adult male within himself, and do him of small importance in life. There are some immature individuals, nevertheless, who delight to go through for masterminds or masters, and they think it really interesting to look as if in a & # 8220 ; brown survey & # 8221 ; while in the company of others. They like to look wholly absorbed, and are delighted if any one observes their eccentricities.
Such manners are wholly at discrepancy with good-breeding. If a individual speak to you of all time so foolishly or frivolously, it is the tallness of ailment manners non to mind what he says ; and if he of all time forces conversation upon you, it is unkind, to state the least, to presume a absolutely apathetic demeanour.
Besides, you can non offer any one more flattering attending than by that delighting respect which, though it may affect slightly of a forfeit, yet, is deserving doing.
It is a good regulation to endeavour to delight every one every bit far as is possible for us to make without excessively great a breach of earnestness.
In this state free and easy manners are excessively prevailing ; but infinite would neglect us to specify all the small trifles in which even well-bred individuals sometimes fall short. We will, nevertheless, briefly comment, that nil can be more inauspicious to good manners than the wont of sitting with the chapeau on in the house & # 8212 ; be it in the parlour, dining room, kitchen, shop or office ; or than yawning and whispering in company, lounging upon the chairs, by tipping them back upon two legs ; taking the best seats in the room, and maintaining them when your seniors enter ; or standing with the dorsum to an unfastened fire, when other individuals are near it ; and last, but non least, ptyalizing into the fire, etc. These patterns are deemed about curious to our state, and have been badly animadverted upon by European travelers in our thick.
A adult male may hold virtuousness, capacity and good wonts, and yet his deficiency of good-breeding may do him intolerable to those who are well-mannered.
The manner and mode which we neglect as excessively piddling for us to mind, are frequently the things by which the universe Judgess us. There are many small affairs of personal bearing and behavior which must be attended to, if we desire to be agreeable to society.
It is useless to state that such a adult male, whose garb is neglected, whose whole visual aspect bespeaks the slob, is a good and able adult male and therefore must be agreeable and delighting. His ability and goodness are, doubtless, desirable qualities, but the personal apposition of the adult male is indefensible to those who are accustomed to cleanliness and refinement.
Not that it is indispensable that every adult male should be externally elegant, or an ace in the regulations which constitute good-breeding ; but no 1 can trust to be admired and sought after, who is addicted to conspicuous uncleanliness, the particular inclination of which is to animate painful feelings in those around him.