Five general perspectives of a romantic relationship Essay
Five general perspectives of a romantic relationshipIntroduction Romantic relationships are probably the happiest feelings and the most complicated relationships known to man.
Their manifestations can be easily viewed by the naked eye. It makes us go green with envy when we see romantic people showing their love for each other. During the early stages of the relationship, the feeling of elation is ever present. Love is said to be biological for there is the innate need to be close to someone, to share our feelings and see them reciprocated, to be cared for, to be touched and to be loved in return. But did you know that it takes sometime for humans to love? First, there’s the holding, stroking, kissing and nursing of the infant (Alberoni 1983).Perspectives of Human Behavior As human beings, our behaviors are greatly influenced by at least five general perspectives namely biological, learning, social and cultural, cognitive, and psychodynamic influences, On the biological perspective, it explains that human beings are actually made up of genes whose main objective is to reproduce.
Husbands and wives must be connected sexually to produce their heirs (Laland and Brown 2002). Of course the biological aspect seems unromantic. It goes without saying that humans must perform the sexual act to produce offspring.
Husbands and wives must perform the act to have their children. But we must look at romantic love as sexual. God has commanded his people to ‘go forth and multiply’. With the absence of sex in the relationships of husbands and wives, it is no different from other relationships. Normally, men like women who have the characteristics which echo health and fertility, while on the other hand, women like men who have attributes which reflect health and status. The qualities that both men rate first are apparently non-biological. In a study conducted among over10,000 people across 37 cultures, psychologist David Buss discovered that both men and woman rate intelligence and kindness as the foremost qualities they look for in a mate.
But even this makes genetic sense: kindness and intelligence indicate the psychological and social qualities which are essential for human beings to successfully nurture their offspring (Laland and Brown 2002). The study showed that romantic love really exists in all cultures ever studied. Even in societies where arranged marriages are being practiced, the marriages usually take place with the permission of the young people concerned. This is so because marriage has political and/or economic purposes, such as a coalition between two powerful families.
Romantic love is being detested in authoritarian or caste-conscious societies, for love is democratic and thus interferes with power plays (Alberoni 1983). Women yearn for husbands and lovers. If they’re looking for men other than these they could always turn to military men or the workaholics.
Romantic love is also part of the learning perspective of human behavior. We realize that love is not a simple thing. It involves serious emotions that must be nurtured over time. The husband and wife learn that there is a need to grow together as persons. Heaving brought up win different families, the partners must learn to accept all things that encompass the other partner. What keeps marriage enjoyable is not romantic love, but the other important factors such as companionship, security, affection, caring, habit, shared interests, among others. Initially, romantic passion leads to the development of these secondary traits. Long after the passion cools, it is these characteristics which keep the romance alive (Burney 1990).
Meanwhile, we all know that love knows no cultural and social boundaries. We have been presented with marriages of man and wide from different races. These unions are happening everyday and it only proves that love indeed is felt by everyone across distance. Romantic love shared between a husband and a wife is not the simple reaction to people or events, they are complex copies of feelings and ideas that have become important in concrete social and historical context. Social psychologists believe that romantic love is composed of two parts, the physiological stimulation which manifests in the form of quick heart beating, weakness in the knees, etc. and the interpretation of that experience (Rougemont 1956). On the cognitive perspective, falling in love is indeed a universal feeling but it is also developed by time and place.
The philosophy of romantic love was part of Western culture for 800 years, although its conception has been changing in the course of centuries. Romantic love that illustrate as illegitimate passion was associated with marriage by influence of capitalism and Protestantism. The connection between love and marriage is weakening lately; but though love and sex are not necessarily related to the marriage, values of intimacy and love remain important in lives of many people.Romantic love mirrors the unconscious accomplishment of the union with the desired object and yet the ability to overcome the juvenile equation of all sexual objects with the oedipal one, and a triumphant identification with the oedipal rival without the insinuation of patricide or matricide. In normal passionate love, the distinction between the original oedipal rival and other competitors of the same sex has been achieved, and the related sense of inferiority to both parental objects linked with the infantile origin of the Oedipus complex has been overcomeIn romantic love shared by husband and wife, the so-called Oedipus complex is conquered. The man realizes that he can love his wife without killing her family.
The victory of getting the woman is there, but without the violent Oedipal characteristics. In like manner, the woman finds she can love her husband without violence or threat. Romantic love is what finally frees the mind from the restraints of childhood sexuality.
ConclusionTo achieve a healthy romantic relationship, it is important that we examine the real concept of romantic. Absence of this concept will mean a slim chance of achieving a healthy relationship. If our concept of romance is based solely on fairy tales and books, songs and movies, from our childhoods, we are bound to get disappointed over time.Romantic relationships are the greatest arena for Spiritual growth available to us. It is well worth the risk to take a chance on love if we are looking at it as a learning experience rather than the goal in itself.
To quote Burney (1990), romance is part of the journey – not the destination.It is important to transform our perspective of love by believing that falling in love is a choice. It took several perspectives for the husband and wife to end up being together. They did not just fall into the relationship. It was indeed a life-long process.
Love is not something that can actually force you into falling as a willing victim. Love is a choice. It is necessary to be aware of this and be conscious of our choices.Work Cited:Kevin N.
Laland and Gillian R. Brown. Sense and Nonsense: Evolutionary Perspectives on Human Behaviour. Oxford University Press, 2002.Francesco Alberoni, Falling in love, New York, Random House, 1983Denis de Rougemont, Love in the Western World.
Pantheon Books, 1956.Robert Burney.Falling in love as a choice. Joy2MeU Journal.
April 1, 1990