Have you ever felt your whole body shake of trembling so much and your hands and your feet get so cold that you almost fainted? Has your heart ever almost stopped beating during your life? Have you ever felt the icy fingers of death on the back of your neck? Have you ever screamed so much that you thought people on Mars could hear you? You have probably experienced one of these feelings at least once in your life. They are not extraordinary because you are a live person who can have fear. Fear might affect people in various ways, but all of them experience it from time to time. I have many fears, but I have learned to control them.
Fear accompanies human existence since birth till death. I can see it everywhere. I am constantly exposed to fear. When a baby gets born, he screams for the first time. He is hurting and he is scared of the new environment, of the world which he has never seen before. He does not know what his life is going to be like, what pains he is going to have, and what losses he will have to go through. The followers of existentialism have been wondering for years: how can there be any pleasure of life which starts with fear and pain and ends with fear and pain as well? All of the people are destined to be scared during their whole lives and experience pain during all of that time. Even when everything is going well for people and there seems nothing to be afraid of, they always have the fear of death hanging over them.
This world can seem very beautiful at times, and I forget about fear for a while. All I can do is saying that I am the luckiest person in the world to live on Earth. There are many uncommon islands, oceans, rivers. Stars often shine so brightly at night that one cannot stop admiring. Is there any place for fear in this uncommon beauty? Unfortunately, there is. This beautiful world can turn into a real monster from time to time, bringing fear to all of the people. The nature rebels every once in a while in order to show its power to everybody on Earth. Remember deadly tsunami in Southeast Asia last Christmas, hurricane Katrina in the US, powerful earthquake in South Asia just a few weeks ago. I experienced tremendous fear when I heard about thousands of people killed last Christmas as the result of tsunami in South East Asia. I was very happy I was not there- but I was still scared because I could face such a disaster some day.
There are many other situations when I feel fear. Night, an empty street, silence- can there be anything scarier than that? The fear often comes not from what I see but my imagination. If the street is empty, it means there might be some criminal hiding in the corner of the building. I cannot see him, but I know that he can be there. This idea scares me to death. I imagine that he is hiding there in order to jump at me at the most appropriate moment, and there is no way I will be able to struggle against him. The silence can also scare me to death. I do not know what this terrible silence is going to bring to me. It is very possible that next second I am going to hear the most terrible scream in your life. I am also afraid to hear quiet steps approaching you from behind. This can be just a random person walking home to his family. But it might also be a criminal. Fear fills you all up as you hear these steps.
No matter how strong the fear of being in the empty street is, there is hardly anything what compares to the fear of loss of your loved ones. It is my greatest fear in life. You are very lucky if you never stood by the bed of the dying relative of yours. However, many people had to go through that, including me. When this happens, there is nothing what can be done anymore and you have constant fear of your relative’s passing away. It can be anybody- your husband or wife, brother or sister, father or mother. The fear of loss is the same for each of them. There can be a miracle and he or she will recover, so there is hope. But fear is much stronger of hope. It makes hope hide deep in your soul and occupies all of your body. You can feel fear every second of the day. It does not leave you even for a moment. If makes your heart beat twice as fast as it usually does. Fear also makes you have cold sweat all over your head and back. It makes your neck stiff and your fingers unable to bend. Every second of the day, you fear that your dear person will no longer be with you. You cannot stop praying. Sometimes, a miracle really happens and your loved one recovers. You manage to overcome the fear. If you actually lose the person you love, then the fear conquers you. Many days and months pass until you learn to live with it, but you never get rid of it.
It would be interesting for me to imagine what the world without fear would be like. Everything would be easy for me to plan for. No uncertainty anymore, the whole life could be drafted from the first day of my life. In such a world, people I would be able to be happy since the day I was born till the day I died. Probably people would not even be dying- they would just get transferred to heaven right away. Unfortunately, there is no way to extract fear from human existence. Most of the people’s actions are accompanied with fear. There is no possibility to overcome death. All I can do is learn to live with fear and enjoy the world as much as it is possible. Afterall, this world is so beautiful that I can take some fear every once in a while. All I have to do is not to let fear control my life.